intensive reading

"do you regret marrying your present wife?"

there is such a hot topic on Zhihu.

in the answer, some people regret it, and some people don't, for different reasons.

but the answer of one of the anonymous users aroused the sigh of many people.

in his long answer, he is full of not only regret, but also dislike of his wife.

"regret,

she is nothing,

she is lazy, sloppy, unmotivated, timid, cowardly, low IQ and extremely poor hands-on ability. "

begin with a few sentences that state the central meaning of the answer.

in his opinion, his wife is useless, and he regrets marrying her because of her shortcomings.

in his answer, we can probably find some portraits of his wife:

his wife is as simple as his educational background.

No makeup, no clothes, no material pursuit. Do not spend money indiscriminately, the money is spent on living consumption, basically did not spend money on their own.

to be the husband of the child wholeheartedly, although he is very simple, he wants to raise his daughter well.

the cooking was still delicious and he had a good temper. Even if he was driven out of the house by his husband, he didn't lose his temper, and he was alone crying at the top of the stairs.

but he doesn't think so. his wife's educational background is the same as his, because he has an abnormal performance in the college entrance examination, and she excels, so her IQ is low.

she could not hear the voice beyond the strings, not simply, but "worse than a fool";

not wearing makeup or buying clothes is not simple and frugal, but corny;

cooking is OK, but there are all those dishes over and over again, which are nothing new, and they disgust him.

A full-time housewife takes her child at home to do housework, but in his opinion, housework is probably equivalent to a pool of chopsticks to be washed after dinner.

I don't know what to hate before I evaluate my wife as "useless" and hope that I will never know her.

netizens wondered, "where on earth did he get a sense of superiority?"

someone replied: "it probably comes from'I'm raising her'."

he concluded that she could no longer leave him, so he disgusted and blamed him unscrupulously.

this is one of the true faces of marriage.

I think this answer is enough to wake people up. In a marital relationship, there are several realities that should be recognized.

diminishing marginal utility effect of marriage

fairy tales often end with "the prince and the princess live happily together".

but this is not the case.

in fact, the construction of intimate relationship is not over; on the contrary, the maintenance of intimate relationship has just begun

.

the TA I once liked became more and more annoying after marriage. One of the important reasons is:

Love is exhausted in time and daily life, and our tolerance for each other's shortcomings decreases.

when two people spend a long time together, they will lose their freshness. Without the romance and passion at the beginning of their relationship, they will get tired of seeing their partner.

if two people have a lot of quarrels and frictions over the issue of firewood, rice, oil and salt, it will be easier to use up the original little love. When there is a lack of love, if you look at your partner, you will become more and more annoying.

as mentioned at the beginning of the couple, the husband fell in love with his wife because of his "special temperament", but with the passage of time, this temperament became a weakness and even suspected that he was blind.

Independence is also needed in intimate relationships

the TV series "the waves sweep the Sand" depicts the love between Wang Huiwu and Li Da.

by chance, Wang Huiwu met Li Da in Xu Zonghan's home. Attracted by his knowledge and pride, the two people with common beliefs began to fall in love and get married.

after marriage, the two work hard for the common ideal goal, and they try their best to give advice to each other.

they are husband and wife, but they are also independent individuals.

later, Li Da was ready to quit because of the problem of ideas, and Wang Huiwu tried his best to dissuade them. After a deep chat under the month, both of them had a deeper understanding of each other's beliefs.

Li Da said to Wang Huiwu, "but don't worry, my faith has not changed."

it turns out that this is indeed the case.

to the Oak Tree says:

"We share the cold wave, thunder and thunder;

We share mist, haze and rainbow. It seems to be separated forever, but depend on each other for life. "

I think this is the best state of intimacy.

depend on each other, but independently of each other.

"what do you think is the biggest secret to keeping a man's heart?"

Hong Kong actress Michelle Reis was once asked this way.

by independence, she means not only what we often think of as financial independence, but that she has no problem leaving him at any time, but also a kind of personality independence.

Personality independence may be more difficult than economic independence. Be yourself and don't make the other person feel like you can't do without him.So that the other person will cherish it.

as Xi Murong said in his monologue:

"when I look back, I suddenly realize that all the efforts of my life are only for the satisfaction of the people around me.

in order to win the approval and smile of others, I trembled into all the patterns and shackles. On the way, I suddenly found that I had only a vague face and a road that could not turn back. "

whether it is material or emotional, do not rely too much on one person and cater to each other as everything.

keep your true self and let yourself take the initiative in an intimate relationship.

Independence requires the pursuit of self-realization

those who wait for others to give happiness are often not very happy.

strive to make ourselves better, our horizons will be broader.

as the saying goes:

A person who wants to maintain an independent personality needs not only courage, but also his own ability.

even if you are in an intimate relationship, you should strive for self-realization.

marriage researcher Eli Finkel mentions in his book:

"one person helps another person develop and grow, which is the same as

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does not infringe too much

other

.

I think so.

recognize that each other are independent individuals and keep their own independent spiritual space.

everyone's happiness should still be in their own hands.