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A story was told by a young man from the media.

Xiaolai knows a friend who is a sales manager and often drinks and eats with clients for performance.

some customers have known each other for a long time and worked with each other more times, and the relationship has naturally become close.

there are several well-connected clients who will ask him out to dinner in private.

everyone talked happily about the wine, drank very heartily, and chatted happily.

so, in the heart of the sales manager, these people are not only customers, but also confidant friends.

later, the sales manager left the company and prepared to start his own business.

he was looking forward to taking advantage of his accumulated connections, but what happened next caught him off guard.

since he left office, those so-called "friends" have never asked him to dinner again, and even if he takes the initiative to contact each other, he will be left out in the cold.

some people even deleted all his contact information after they learned that he had left.

one of the "friends" was more sincere. Before deleting his Wechat, he answered his doubts:

"I drink with you to get the lowest offer from your company. Now that you've left your job, we don't have to drink together anymore. "

when the sales manager heard this, his heart turned to ashes.

there is another story from Zhihu netizens

@ Ni Lan

.

at the beginning of the year, Ni Lan wanted to buy a house, but as a result, he was still tens of thousands of yuan short of the down payment, so he wanted to find a friend to put it together.

the first thing she thought of was one of her college roommates, with whom she had the best relationship when she was in college.

her roommate also borrowed money from her when she bought a house two years ago, and she lent her 50,000 yuan to her roommate at that time.

she also knows that her roommate's career has been very successful in the past two years, and she must have spare money.

Ni Lan called her roommate expectantly, and the roommate was as enthusiastic as ever.

but when Ni Lan asked to borrow money, the other party suddenly began to become silent.

Ni Landa promised that I will use the money for an emergency. It won't take long, and I'm sure I can pay you back in the second half of the year.

what Ni Lan thought at that time was that if she had said so, her roommate would not refuse, and she had borrowed money from her before buying a house.

as a result, the roommate stumbled and said, unfortunately, I also want to buy a house recently. I want to change to a bigger house. I really have no money on hand.

Ni Lan listened, like eggplant beaten with frost, wilted instantly.

In our mermaid wedding dresses with sleeves, you will define elegance and chic. There are a lot of styles you can choose from.

someone in Zhihu once asked: what is the secret of happiness?

one highly praised answer is, never expect too much from anyone.

like the two stories above, the higher the expectation of others, the greater the disappointment.

in fact, what really hurts you is not others, but your expectations of others.

I wonder if you have ever heard of the Stockdale Paradox.

Stockdale was tortured more than 20 times until his release eight years later.

most of the companions locked up together, who were much younger and in much better shape than Stockdale, died soon.

scholar Jim went to interview Stockdale and asked, "you have lost a lot of companions in eight years. Why did you survive?"

Stockdale thought for a moment and said:

"I survived because I didn't have high expectations for the future, and they died because they expected too much about the future.

they always hope to be released at Christmas, but they fail to do so after Christmas.

so I thought Easter was OK, but I still didn't get released.

this disappointment is followed by disappointment, and soon comes to a depressed end. "

the Stockdale Paradox tells us a very simple truth:

Don't expect too much of what hasn't happened yet. The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment.

once expectations fail, a huge sense of gap will cause great psychological harm to you.

remember, never expect too much of anyone.

if you expect too much from your partner, you will quarrel over trifles and affect your partner's feelings.

if you expect too much from your parents, you will complain that your parents are unable to create good conditions for yourself, which will not only cool your parents' hearts, but also make you feel inferior and sensitive.

expect too much from your child. Once you fail to meet the expectation, you will be disappointed and grumpy, and the parent-child relationship will become bad.

as the writer Ma de said: "I gradually understand why I am not happy, because I always expect a result."

expecting too much of anyone is a disaster.

the highest level of adult self-discipline is to lower expectations of others.

there is a formula in economics: happiness = utility /expectation.

that is to say, the lower a person's expectation, the easier it is to be satisfied and happy.

some netizens have shared a story, which I think is very interesting.

netizens said that the universityIn the year when he just graduated, he was very short of money for a period of time. He saw that even eating became a problem, but because of face-saving, he could not pull back his face and ask his family for it.

so he sent a message to a classmate in high school, hoping to borrow 2,000 yuan from his classmate for an emergency.

this classmate, like him, is not long after graduating from college, so he doesn't necessarily have any spare money on hand, so he has hardly any hope.

after the message was sent out for an hour, he didn't get a reply from his classmate, so he gave up a little.

as a result, half an hour later, the classmate replied to him that he was in a meeting just now and the leader was not allowed to check his cell phone.

immediately after that, he received a transfer of 2,000 yuan from his classmate.

he said that he was inexplicably moved at that moment.

as said in disqualification on Earth: "if there is no excessive joy, there is no extreme sadness."

when you don't have expectations, life is full of surprises.

when you rely on yourself, you can live the life you want.

I know an elderly couple who appreciate their concept of life.

they never thought that they would rely on their children for their old age, so when they were young, they worked very hard, bought all kinds of insurance and saved a lot of money for their old age.

after retirement, the old couple never ask their children for money, take the money they saved when they were young, as well as their pension, travel everywhere, and live happily in their twilight years.

when I see the living condition of the two elders, I think of a sentence:

the smartest way to live is to reduce dependence, lower expectations, and maintain love.

when you lower your expectations and reduce your dependence, all you can see is good.

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finally, I would like to share with you a paragraph:

"Don't put all your expectations on others, because they have no obligation to fulfill your expectations.

expecting too much of others is essentially an escape and an excuse for one's own incompetence. "

it is better to rely on yourself than to expect others.

when you are strong inside, you are no longer afraid of being alone and no longer expect company.

when you are financially independent, you have the strength to solve problems and no longer expect someone to help you.

, may we all live to be our own ferrymen and get whatever we want.