01

2018, on a flight to Japan.

Mom leaned on my shoulder and fell asleep. It was her first time to go abroad and she was excited for several days.

she lost some weight, like a child, following me all the way.

even when I fell asleep, I gently shook my hand and breathed slightly.

unconsciously, I grew up and became her support.

it was on that day that I suddenly felt the urge to tell stories.

talk about our bitterness and sweetness, happiness and sorrow.

it's just that there are too many things and people in this story that I don't want to talk about and can't mention.

so forgive me for not being able to say exactly where it happened.

02

the story starts a long time ago.

it was in the sixties of last century, when Grandma got pregnant.

but the conditions were not good at that time, and I couldn't have a decent meal every day.

in July of pregnancy, Grandma cleaned and found some biscuits behind the cupboard. I don't know when I fell into it, and I got mildew spots.

Grandma was so hungry that she picked out the moldy place and ate it.

as a result, he got into trouble with his stomach, vomited and released at night. He was sent to the hospital all night for first aid, but he still moved his fetus.

so my mother came to the world so prematurely.

seven months, it's too small, less than four jin.

at that time, my grandfather still had some abilities and applied for an incubator for my mother.

she lay in it for three months.

Grandpa said, it's not easy for my mother to survive. She was covered with needles, scalp and instep when she came out. It's all pierced where it can be pierced.

but I really don't know whether it's good or bad for her to survive so hard.

03

my mother is supposed to be so spoiled because she has come so hard.

but this is not the case.

Grandma comes from a scholarly family, and both Grandpa and Grandpa graduated from college. At that time, it was a real favourite of heaven.

but it has changed so fast that everything that was once proud of has been overthrown.

that decade was not only the decade when my grandmother was bullied, but also the decade when my mother grew up.

it is conceivable to whom grandma transferred all her accumulated anger to the outside world.

of course, it's also because my mother is not what she thought she was.

my mother is malnourished in embryos and takes a lot of drugs after birth, so she is slower than the average child in every way.

her comprehension is slower. The reaction should also be slow. Even the development of the body is slower.

in the eyes of my arrogant grandmother, this gradually became unbearable.

especially after giving birth to two more children, my mother became the daughter she hated most.

all the housework, all the abuse, are given to my mother.

only Grandpa feels sorry for my mother, but he loves my grandmother more. He knew the pain in his grandmother's heart, so he had to let her use my mother to solve the depression in her heart.

fortunately, there are many books at home. My mother is a slow reader, but she can bear it.

the stories in those books taught her diligence and kindness.

however, in this world, there are always places where the sun is out of reach, and there are too many unkind people.

04

1977,

as the first batch of fresh graduates, my mother chose the wrong subject and missed the opportunity to go to college without any understanding of the situation.

but the family conditions are not good, the second aunt and uncle are at school.

Grandma doesn't expect my mother to go to college at all. My mother can only listen to the arrangement of the family and go to work.

my mother joined the post office and worked as an accountant in the book retail department.

busy every day, helping parents to bring up younger brothers and sisters.

my second aunt is admitted to college. When my mother's 8-year-old uncle went to college, my mother, who was about to be three, was introduced to Xiang Weidong.

at that time, it was almost the 1990s. Everyone is calculating for himself.

on the other hand, my mother devoted all her youth to the family that didn't love her very much.

is it fair?

of course not fair.

but kind people don't know how to hurt. Pure people at the bottom of their hearts, everything is pure white.

A child who has been rejected by his mother since childhood is happy to feel qualified to pay for his family.

05

Xiang Weidong's poor family, with excellent results, was admitted to a famous normal school.

can be regarded as a fish jumping dragon gate.

it is said that his grades can go to Tsinghua and Peking University, but he has his eye on admission to normal universities for free.

after graduation, he went to work as a teacher in a high school in the suburbs.

it is not too much to say that it is not excessive to show talent to Weidong.

good-looking and talented.

my mother likes reading and likes the bookish air about him.

all weddings are held at Grandpa's expense. Weidong's old father sent two cut trees from the ravine and asked them to make new furniture. Grandpa asked someone to pick him up because he couldn't afford the fare to the city.

Mom has not lived a good life since she was a child, but she has never seen what is really bad.

NewOn the first day of marriage, he took off his coat to Weidong, and the sweater inside was stripped off and left half a sleeve.

Mom's eyes are not looked down upon, only distressed.

she helped Xiang Weidong take off his sweater and said, I won't have to wear it out in the future. I can mend anything for you.

said to Weidong, "I will work hard in the future. I don't need to wear rags or you to mend my clothes."

06

the sound of books can be heard during the day, and under the window at night is the playground covered with moonlight.

simple campus, blocked the impetuous society, mother thought, this will be a lifetime.

but time always pushes people to run forward, whether it is a mountain or a quagmire.

my elderly grandfather felt sorry for my mother, who had to live in the suburbs when she was a child, so he found someone to put Xiang Weidong into a middle school in the city and helped him transfer his suburban hukou to the city.

from then on, Xiang Weidong's life gradually had a look that could not be reached before.

and my mother was relieved to have a baby because her life was stable.

A year later, she and Xiang Weidong's daughter were born, and it was me.

Yes, Xiang Weidong is my father in biology.

but in my life, I will never call him Dad again.

I even feel disgusted at the thought that I have his genes on my body.

because not all men deserve the title.

at least to Weidong, he doesn't deserve it.

07

Xiang Weidong, who came into contact with larger resources, soon could not bear his vigorous ambition.

he jumped on the bandwagon of the media and became a reporter at the newspaper.

usually he receives some letters from readers, and slowly he becomes acquainted with a girl in the reception room who has changed his fate.

her name is Xu Jing.

maybe people nowadays don't understand what's so great about the janitor's job in the reception room.

but at that time, it was a spare job with an iron rice bowl, and many people envied it.

Xu Jing came in on the basis of relationship.

her father is very rich, which can be regarded as rich and powerful. She is the only child in the family, arrogant and domineering. I didn't like reading when I was young, and I didn't graduate from junior high school.

she has no culture of her own, but it doesn't prevent her from liking educated people.

soon, she was fascinated by Xiang Weidong.

and Xiang Weidong, who is determined to climb the ladder, immediately hit it off with her when he heard about Xu Jing's family background.

08

I met Xu Jing when I was very young.

I don't remember why Xiang Weidong took me to work. He should be three or four years old.

Xu Jing knew, specially looked for it, sat on Xiang Weidong's lap in front of me, held his head in her hands, and asked me, "is my aunt beautiful?"

after many years, this picture is unusually clear.

and as I grew older, I became more and more aware of how arrogant and vicious this woman was.

is she trying to declare war on my mother through me?

but I was so young at that time that I felt vaguely that my mother didn't want to see it. When I got home, I didn't dare to say a word.

but Xu Jing has been ruthless to get Xiang Weidong.

she made a huge promise to Weidong.

as long as she divorces Weidong and marries her, she asks her father to arrange a better job for Wei Dong. Life can save twenty years of struggle.

and Xiang Weidong has been dragging his feet with her for so long, isn't he waiting for this sentence?

he went home immediately and had a showdown with my mother.

09

my mother has done everything slowly since she was a child.

because her perception of the outside world is slow.

when the world is changing crazily, she can't turn, she can't change her way, she's still locked in the old rut, and she won't escape.

so when Xiang Weidong couldn't wait for a divorce, she froze.

she doesn't understand. Go to work every day, get off work, take care of my husband and children, life has never been off track, how to suddenly divorce.

my mother refused to agree.

Xiang Weidong began not to go home. Whenever I come back, I'm just messing with my mom.

gradually, his utilitarian desire tore open his mounting, and finally revealed a ferocious face.

he began to smash everything in the house and cut up my mother's clothes.

but my mother still doesn't want to leave.

on the one hand, divorce was not easy for women at that time.

and more importantly, my mother still has a glimmer of hope for Xiang Weidong.

she couldn't figure out how the person who used to be vowed to fall in love could be so cold and ruthless.

10

the last time Xiang Weidong came back, it was one night, he beat my mother black and blue.

my mother is lying on the ground and can't move.

and he took off.

at the age of 5, I rushed out of the door, hugged his leg tightly and wouldn't let him go.

I called him father and begged him not to leave my mother and me.

so he touched my head and whispered to me, "good boy, I'll get something. I'll be back when you count to 100."

that is his last tenderness in my memory.

Unfortunately, it is a lie.

I was like that in the dark nightIn the evening, count from 1 to 100 over and over again.

I thought I counted wrong.

I thought 100 was still a long way to go.

I thought he was still my father.

in fact, he is not even human.

he knew full well that my mother had been weak and hit so hard since she was a child.

my mother lay in bed all day and all night, crying silently.

Little me, accompany her bedside, wipe her tears.

I remembered the medicine she usually took, so I ran to find it and carried the bench to the cupboard next to me to get a cup of warm boiled water.

I took it over and said to her like she had coaxed me: "Mom is good, take the medicine and the pain will go away."

and my mother hugged me and cried even more.

many years later, my mother and I talked about that day again. She said she was so discouraged about life at that time that she thought of death.

she was born in the seventh month of pregnancy.

there must be a reason why she worked so hard to survive-- it was me.

she vowed never to flinch, no matter how difficult the day might be.

she will try her best to bring me up.

11

it was only later that my mother and I learned why Xiang Weidong became so cold and cruel.

the power is seductive, but also dangerous.

Xiang Weidong has no idea what kind of woman he is messing with.

Xu Jing not only asked him to divorce immediately, but also abandoned me. Because she wants to change Xiang Weidong's past experience and let him marry her as an unmarried and childless "innocent".

how ignorant and rampant.

can one's history be erased by erasing the past?

Dreaming for a perfect short formal dresses with sleeves to add to your wardrobe? There are all lengths and styles in our collection.

Xiang Weidong got a little scared when he knew what Xu Jing thought.

what he is today is not easy to come by, lest he should take the wrong step and be doomed forever.

so here comes the funniest thing.

he actually hid it.

he neither dared to come back to my mother, nor dared to continue to develop with Xu Jing.

so he didn't go to work or go home, so he simply disappeared.

and Xu Jing is not willing to give up.

she sent word that if Xiang Weidong didn't come back to her, she would make our family in this city, life would be worse than death.

12

Xu Jing is not talking about playing.

the reason is that Xiang Weidong does not come to work and we are not qualified to live.

my mother is afraid to get her grandpa, brother and sister-in-law into trouble, so she doesn't dare to find them.

one night, my mother and I lived on the street.

my mother took me to live in the cheapest multi-person dormitory.

really do not know the bitter age, wandering, but do not understand pain, there is a nest is happy.

I call my aunt warmly to every resident I live with, thinking that this is a bigger family.

I didn't know until I chatted with my mother for many years.

with me, the schedule must be different from that of others. Just because she goes to bed early and gets up early, my mother suffers from a bad eye and a run.

in order for others to be nice to me, my mother beat the hot water in the dormitory and emptied the garbage.

I remember that once when my mother swept the floor, an aunt took me, ate melon seeds and threw the skin on the ground. I laughed foolishly.

in retrospect, only human nature is pale.

13

soon, Xu Jing, who could not be found to Xiang Weidong, began to intensify.

she put out the word that there is only one person in the world who can prove that Xiang Weidong is married and has a child.

that's me.

as long as I don't exist, nothing can prove that Xiang Weidong was married.

is a very straightforward and naked threat.

No matter how crazy this stupid theory is, my mother believed it.

because the focus of this matter is not whether Weidong has ever been married, but whether I will disappear in the world without a sound.

my mother thinks that Xu Jing is crazy and has the ability.

and she can't afford a 1/10000 chance.

my mother is too simple-minded. In the face of intimidation, her spirit became more and more nervous, and she had to hold my hand all the time when she went out.

as for me, I have no idea.

I remember once, on the way home, my mother said to me, do you remember how to get back? You can lead the way today.

there was a kind smile on her face.

but in fact, at that moment, she couldn't remember the way home.

her brain is a blank.

she only remembers holding her daughter's hand tightly and risking her life to protect her safety.

14

later, we stayed with grandma. I was in primary school at that time.

my mother's unit benefit is not good,

her monthly salary is only 400, and she gives 300 to her grandmother.

she took out almost all of it, hoping that Grandma would be nice to me.

however, grandma has always hated my mother, and now she is having an affair with WeidongPlus the missing scandal, she doesn't like us even more.

especially to me, making things difficult. Because I will be beaten and scolded if I eat one more mouthful of rice and one more chopstick meat.

my mother sees it in her eyes and hurts in her heart.

she is looking for Xiang Weidong. If she wants a divorce, she can only wronge me first.

otherwise, she dare not take me to live alone, she is afraid that Xu Jingzhen will do something out of line.

she searched almost all the people who knew Xiang Weidong, but did not find out his whereabouts. Finally, a colleague advised her to go to court to sue.