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there is a hot topic on Zhihu: "how do you drift away from your best friend?"

one of the high praise answers is as follows:

I don't know why. I used to look for him when I had nothing to do. Later, after I was busy with my work, I lost the leisure of gossiping. When something happens, he is afraid of causing him trouble.

maybe it is because of this that there is less contact and feelings become estranged.

We have to admit that no matter how good a relationship is, if it loses interaction, it will fade away.

and the interaction between people is naturally unavoidable trouble, we are in trouble to each other again and again, the connection is deeper, the feelings are stronger.

good relationships are hidden in trouble

We are not supermen, it is impossible to solve all the difficulties in life alone, sometimes bending down is not a disgrace, but to move forward better.

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Young writer Li Shanglong once shared one of his stories on the Internet:

he attended a military academy at university, and his management was very strict. Once a friend invited him to celebrate his birthday, Li Shanglong refused because he didn't know the director and asked for leave to worry about troubling others.

later, a friend said to Li Shanglong, "relationships are all troubles, and this happens to be an opportunity to improve relationships."

with the encouragement of his friends, Li Shanglong tried to give

Director

wrote a request for leave,

Director

looked at the request for leave and sealed it. Then read the name of the person who asked for leave and approved it.

because of the trouble this time, Li Shanglong and

Director

when we met, they came and went, and the two became good friends. Li Shanglong often helped this

Director

practice oral English, while

Director

also often borrows books for him.

sometimes, what we think of as trouble is an opportunity to improve our relationship.

in a short film, a man and a woman live upstairs and downstairs. because the house is not soundproof, the boys are always disturbed by the noisy music downstairs, so the boys knock on the door of their female neighbors downstairs.

did not expect that the female neighbor fell in love with him, and then the two just ran into each other in the hallway and did not formally talk to each other.

because of the "active trouble" this time, the two have a further development, and the end of the short film is that they become lovers.

the famous Franklin effect in psychology is the story of Franklin troubling his political enemies to lend books to themselves, thus turning enemies into friends.

there is a saying:

"the intimate connection between people is based on the willingness to bother you at the beginning.

when I began to trouble you with peace of mind to rely on you, in fact, I began to need you and like you from the bottom of my heart. "

the right way to open a relationship is to dare to bother others.

trouble others, you need to master the boundary

everything needs to pay attention to a degree, including troublesome others, blindly unmeasured, unrestrained trouble to others, it is inappropriate.

such unscrupulous trouble to others is undoubtedly a drain on each other's feelings.

some time ago, I was blocked by my high school classmate Kobayashi.

Kobayashi asked me to help write a promotional copywriter. I was so busy that I said politely, "Sorry, I haven't written for a long time. I can't help you."

but he didn't read between the lines. Instead, he kept praising me, saying that my composition in high school was very good, and he believed in my strength. He asked me to help this time, and he would have a chance to invite me to dinner later.

I can only say more clearly, "I've been so busy lately that I really don't have time to write for you."

Kobayashi said indifferently, "I'm not in a hurry. Just help me copy some content online. It won't take much time."

then I realized that Kobayashi didn't want high-quality articles at all. He just didn't want to look up the information himself, so he asked me, a free labor force, to serve him.

for reasons of affection, I just firmly refused and said no more superfluous words.

A week later, Xiao Lin sent me Wechat: "Why haven't you given me what I asked you to write for me?" And made several voice calls one after another to urge.

when I came home from work, I saw a message from Xiao Lin and subconsciously explained: "I didn't promise to write it for you at that time."

Kobayashi scolded me: "I usually say that we are all good friends, but you are so hypocritical to trouble you to do something so hard."

after being blocked by Xiao Lin, I was relieved. I don't want such a friend.

No matter how good the relationship is, others must keep a good balance.

We should not only consider the mitigation of the importance of things, but also take into account the real situation of others, make sure that we will not cause trouble to others, and then ask for help from others.

otherwise, it is not simply bothering others, but asking for it from others.

interpersonal relationship is an exchange

as the ancients said, "the clouds reflect the sun and become clouds, and the springs hang rocks and form waterfalls."

roughly means:

without the reflection of the sun, the clouds cannot turn into rosy clouds, and it is difficult to emit colorful light.

without the existence of cliffs, it would be difficult for the spring to become a waterfallCan not form a magnificent and beautiful scenery.

the poem describes the natural scenery, but the moral is the truth of interpersonal communication, that is,

the most valuable thing about friendship between people is that they complement each other and achieve each other.

the prosperity of Li Hongzhang, a famous minister in the late Qing Dynasty, was not plain sailing, but full of thorns.

Li Hongzhang first founded the Huai Army, and Zeng Guofan transferred the elite Hunan Army that he had personally trained as a "gift for marriage."

later, Li Hongzhang became more and more prosperous, and Zeng Guofan recommended him as governor of Jiangsu.

it can be said that without Zeng Guofan's support, Li Hongzhang would not have an open life, and Li Hongzhang has always been respectful and grateful to Zeng Guofan.

later Zeng Guofan said to Li Hongzhang, "the face and merit of foolish brother Guoquan depends on you!"

think about it carefully, without Zeng Guofan, Li Hongzhang's career would not have been so smooth, and without Zeng Guofan and Li Hongzhang, he might not have been prosperous at that time.

as the saying goes, "make up for each other, make up for each other; dismantle each other and collapse together."

A good relationship is to complement each other and grow together.

on closer inspection, we will find that giving and receiving is a cycle, and your present altruism will one day be returned to yourself.

about interpersonal communication, Song Siming said a classic saying in "snail dwelling":

"you have to move constantly about this thing. The more you move, the more confused you are, and the more confused you are, the more you rot in the pot. If you can always tell the difference between you and me, there will be a difference. "

the rule of most people is that "you must not give what others give you, do not cause trouble to others, and try not to ask others to do things."

in fact, it is very difficult for people to solve all the difficult problems in life on their own. Only when people skim and support each other can they go further.

since ancient times, there has been a tradition called reciprocity.

take the initiative to trouble others, others will have the opportunity to trouble you, come and go, the two sides will have the possibility of deep friendship.

if you don't bother me, I don't need it. There are always two parallel lines between people.

as Carnegie said in the weakness of Human Nature:

"if you want a relationship to last, you have to let others do little things for you, which will make them feel existent and important."

knowing how to bother others properly is a kind of high-level EQ.