above the point

in a relationship, we are often afraid to refuse each other's request. We always feel that rejection is tantamount to loss.

Uncle wants to say, but it's not.

Smart people all know that sometimes rejection can make a relationship last.

reject over-dependence

some people say that in a relationship, the most poisonous love word is "I raise you".

it will make one person comfortably give up the ability to be independent and hand over the control of his life to another person.

Uncle wants to say that in an over-dependent relationship, when he loves you, you are everything, but when he doesn't love, you are nothing.

this abnormal "attachment relationship" will make you deny yourself and even fall into self-remorse.

I'm not good enough, that's why he broke up with me;

I should have tolerated him more, and we wouldn't have become what we are today.

gradually, you will forget the bright spots in yourself and feel like a worthless person.

I remember that in the TV series "the first half of my Life", Chen Junsheng cheated on his colleagues and finally had a showdown with his wife Luo Zijun and decided to divorce.

Ren Luo Zijun asked for an apology, but he only said one word--

"I'm in love with someone else."

Luo Zijun was also a top student at a famous university. when he graduated from the university, he married Chen Junsheng, gave up the opportunity to work, became a full-time wife and devoted himself to the husband and godchild. She firmly believes that her husband will always love her as promised.

so, when the promise suddenly changed his mind and his plain sailing life suddenly broke down, Luo Zijun was left with nothing but collapse and despair.

Luo Zijun asked, "didn't you give me the meaning of my life?" You told me not to work, you said you could support me, and now you're fighting back against me with this? "

but as naive as Luo Zijun, she does not know that in this world, all promises only take effect for the present, and no one can ever guarantee the future.

when a person loves you, he can promise "I will support you";

when a person does not love you, he can immediately turn his face and ask, "Why should I support you?"

rely on everyone can run, rely on mountains will fall.

never pin all your hopes on another person, because you never know when he will suddenly leave.

reminds you that over-dependence is a yoke to yourself and a burden to others.

in love, affection without entanglement, attachment without dependence, is the best state for two people.

reject fast food feelings

now, the pace of our life is getting faster and faster, and the pace of love is becoming faster and faster.

in the past, the sun became slow, cars, horses, mail were slow, only enough to love one person.

Today, all kinds of social software are everywhere, one photo and a few introductions can make people excited, and it takes 8 seconds to look at each other and fall in love at first sight.

once read a survey in which data show that the divorce rate of two people after flash marriage is as high as 65%.

this is because too many people mistake emotion, affection and love for love.

what's the difference between these three?

affection is a kind of mood that is willing to approach.

like is what you want after knowing the advantages.

Deep love is inseparable after knowing one's shortcomings.

the former is impulsive, perceptual and superficial, while the latter is restrained, rational and profound.

therefore, never be eager to establish a relationship with a person or even get married just because of the first sight.

I hope you remember that most relationships that start prematurely will inevitably end in a scribble.

refuse to give up on yourself

Love is always easy to make people lose their minds, even willing to lose themselves, to change everything for him, just to become the ideal partner in the eyes of the other half.

do you remember the story of Gao Xiaosong and Xu Lianjin?

when Gao Xiaosong and Xu Lianjin got married in 2007, one of them was a 38-year-old famous musician and a 19-year-old girl who had just entered the society.

at that time, when talking about the marriage of two people, Gao Xiaosong said a famous saying:

"when she was with me, she was very young and had not even entered the society, so I shaped her basic worldview." My wife's view of the world, even what music she listens to and what movies she watches, is influenced by me, so most of our ideas are the same, and I think it's very happy. "

six years later, however, this "nurturance" marriage has come to an end.

after filing for divorce, it took only three days for Gao Xiaosong to pack his bags and move out of his former family of three. The greenhouse he built for Xu Lianjin suddenly collapsed.

Xu Liangjin once described her feelings at that time. She said:

"everything was caught off guard. I feel like I was suddenly thrown into the world of fairy talesIt was raining cats and dogs and was drenched. "

slowly she finally realized that never ask for sense of security in the relationship, only she is the strongest backing.

that's true.

it is dangerous to give up yourself at any time.

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because pleasing doesn't get pleasure, pleasing doesn't win respect, and obedience doesn't keep feelings fresh.

it is better to be equal than to be obedient; it is better to be yourself than to be a vassal.

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Love is giving, but not unequal giving; love is a compromise, but not a bottomless compromise.

believes that most of the time, knowing how to refuse moderately is honesty and wisdom, and it is also the beginning for us to really understand and trust each other.

people who really love each other can always run in with each other and spend their whole life together when they are comfortable with each other.

as for the person who always makes you doubt yourself, compromise, and worry about gain and loss, let it go.

after all, when you give up your mind, lose your mind, and give up your independence because of love, it is the sign that a relationship is coming to an end.