A few days ago, when I met a friend, the first thing she said was:

"I really want to hide in a place where I don't need to socialize!"

she says her biggest fear now is to socialize.

this reminds me of what psychologist Adler once said: "all human troubles come from interpersonal relationships."

when you learn to deal with relationships with others, life will naturally go smoothly.

so how do we build a comfortable social relationship?

sometimes, it takes some "giving up" wisdom.

give up showing superiority

writer Li Qingqian once said: "Man is an animal that can easily develop a sense of superiority."

but when you get along with others, the most taboo thing is to have a sense of superiority.

in Mad Men, there is a character named Peter Campbell. He is very self-motivated and capable of working.

but he is the least popular person in the company, because he always likes to stand out by stepping on others.

in the company, instead of defending his colleagues' ideas in front of his clients, he privately asks them to recommend his own solutions.

in his opinion, his creativity is better than that of his colleagues.

but this self-righteous sense of superiority made the boss almost fire him.

on another occasion, a colleague was fired. As his successor, he not only did not comfort each other, but also sprinkled salt on his wounds.

later, this colleague became his client and tortured him whenever he had a chance.

Shakespeare once said, "A proud man always destroys himself in pride."

A sense of superiority is a wall between people.

anyone who begins to show his superiority excessively will incur disgust and disgust.

as the saying goes, "if you want to get enemies, act better than your friends. If you want to get friends, let your friends perform better than you."

people who like to show off are often incompetent.

the more capable people are, the more hidden they are.

Li Xian once commented on Cai Kangyong:

"his growing environment, knowledge reserve and career success, as well as his intelligence and brain, are fully qualified to have a sense of superiority to the people around him and to the world.

not showing superiority is a kind of self-cultivation.

people who put down their sense of superiority are like a cup of tea, quiet and indifferent, making people more mellow and mellow.

give up reasoning

there was a hot topic on Weibo: "what is the most annoying way to communicate?"

I very much agree with an answer: always be reasonable.

there are always some people in life who, no matter what problems you encounter, can use their experience to tell you a lot of things.

but Mencius has a saying: the trouble of man is to be a good teacher.

people who are really smart never spend their time on reasoning.

was named "the most influential family education writer" Liu Chenglian wrote about a father and son in "accompany his children through primary school for six years."

once, by chance, the father found a little love letter written to him by a girl in his son's pocket.

he said nothing as if he didn't know.

during the break after playing ball, he told his son that he once liked a girl when he was young.

but at that time, he felt that he had achieved nothing and could not make any commitment to the girl, so he buried this feeling at the bottom of his heart.

until I was admitted to a good university, had a plan for the future, and had the confidence to give the girl a happy life, I didn't start to fall in love and go into marriage hand in hand.

then he asked his son, "do you think my mother and I are happy?"

the son nodded straight.

the next day, the little notes disappeared. U3000

there is a good saying: people with low EQ are reasonable, while people with high EQ understand empathy.

people who have the ability to empathize do not blindly reason.

they know how to put themselves in the shoes of others, and then seduce them in a way that makes them comfortable.

empathy is more, understanding is more, so that we can understand each other and get along without tiredness.

give up being too close

Cai Kangyong once said:

"being too enthusiastic is not a way for a person to maintain a good relationship. It's best to get along with others coldly and keep a sense of distance from the outside world."

No matter how close the relationship is, if two people get too close and get along without boundaries, it will become a disaster.

self-media author

@ Zhanya

, I have a friend with a wide social circle.

when Zhanya asked her the secret of making friends, the friend told a story:

With our black women wedding dresses you know that you made a perfect choice. Here are the absolute perfect choice to make you dazzle!

out of kindness, she wanted to help her best friend get to know each other better, which made her boyfriend very embarrassed.

when we first met, as a "mother's family", she kept asking the man:

do you have any other brothers and sisters in your family?

are parents working or retiring?

when are you going to get married?

are you going to make a down payment or a lump sum payment?

.

this made the best friend boyfriend very embarrassed, and the party ended in displeasure.It broke up.

her "enthusiasm" also made her best friend feel uncomfortable, and the two began to drift apart.

after this incident, she realized: don't say what you shouldn't say, don't ask about what you shouldn't do.

after a period of time, her relationship with her best friend eased, and her best friend began to talk to her again, asking for her opinion.

she said: "now I am relaxed and others are comfortable."

most of the troubles in our lives stem from the blurring of boundaries between people.

Bi Shumin said: "keeping a close distance is the most appropriate way to communicate."

No matter how intimate you are with people, you should be familiar with others.

keep a proper distance in order to make each other feel comfortable and relaxed.

▽

when we reach a certain age, our highest opinion of a relationship is to be comfortable with each other.

when you learn the above three giving up, you will find that you become more harmonious with the people around you.

May we all meet a comfortable relationship and have a comfortable life.