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some people say: "people always have their shortcomings and advantages. When they fall in love, they only see each other's strengths."

Marriage is not love. When romantic love is covered up by trivial life, the once "dazzling light" no longer exists, and the truest side is exposed.

some people will lose their original self and tolerate their partner without a bottom line for a variety of reasons.

do not know that there is no bottom line concessions, almost humble pandering, is the most vulnerable.

Don't try to "curry favor" to maintain a marriage at any time.

the more humble you are, the more likely you are to get hurt; the more flattering you are, the less you will be cherished.

in the end, the marriage becomes a piece of sand when it consumes and loses itself in an unequal relationship.

I remember watching a heartbreaking piece of news earlier.

Mr. Wu was stabbed to death downstairs because he didn't bring chicken legs to his wife.

on weekdays, Mr. Wu was so obedient and ingratiating to his wife that he dared not even be slapped in the face.

and the wife is also hard on her mother-in-law, because she doesn't want to live together, so she is driven to live in an airtight storeroom.

unconditional tolerance and accommodation, so that the "spoiled and proud" wife, more and more temper, only know how to ask and arrogantly "give orders."

on the day of the incident, Mr. Wu went home after the party, and his wife made a fuss because he forgot to buy chicken legs. After insulting him, he stabbed him with a knife.

this marriage, which is too humble, has long been a disaster, which eventually led to a tragedy.

as the saying goes, "everything has its limits, and it is better to go too far."

unequal pay, excessive accommodation, no principle to please, no bottom line tolerance, in exchange for not a bright, but each other's fearless.

think of the story of Xu Zhimo and Zhang Youyi.

because it was an arranged marriage, the recalcitrant Xu Zhimo was so resistant that she left Zhang Youyi alone in the empty house on her wedding night.

for fear of not being loved by her husband and the dissatisfaction of her parents-in-law, she humbly maintained the marriage.

as everyone knows, her forbearance is meaningless, and her husband has long been in love with others, and he mercilessly abandoned it when she was pregnant.

at that time, he was also praised by Xu Zhimo: Zhang Youyi is really a woman with courage and ambition.

imagine how the marriage would have ended hastily if she had not placed her status so low.

Xu Jinglei once said: "I don't care what men think of themselves at all. In a relationship, I choose only to please myself."

between husband and wife, there is no need to please each other, and marriage is not about bossing around, not distinguishing right from wrong, let alone giving in.

in any relationship, you need to respect each other and maintain your position, rather than letting one person be the leader in it.

marriages with the premise of ingratiating themselves against their will often hide the roots of causing trouble.

someone once used the "seesaw" effect to describe love.

in order to keep the balance between the two ends of the seesaw, the heavy one will sit near the fulcrum, while the light one will sit farther. Only when one party pays more can a balance be found and the marriage will not be out of balance.

seems reasonable, but there is a big logical error.

Marriage is not a game, let alone a means. The best state of a marriage should be that both husband and wife can be themselves comfortably.

Sanmao once said:

"True love is not nervous, that is, you can burp, fart, pick your ears and run your nose in front of him without scruples."

this is also her daily life with her lover Jose.

in life, they will be comfortable to do what they like and relax, and will never be aggrieved or restrained for each other.

Sanmao likes the time of dusk and night most of the day. Jose also comes back from work at this time. After helping Jose prepare tea, she will say "I'm leaving" to him and go out for a walk alone.

they are lovers and more like friends. Sanmao once said, "neither side has excessive demands and occupation of each other."

after a short seven-year marriage, they have tasted the sweetness of love and the hardships of life, but they have never forced each other to change. Ease and comfort are always the main theme.

for them, this is the most comfortable way to get along.

as Sanmao said in "random thoughts":

"patient women are seldom looked down upon by men, and they may despise them.

A patient man, a woman who says he is useless, looks down on him.

"

husband and wife live together every day and are the closest people, so they can't take off their masks and be who they really are. Isn't life too tired?

truly happy marriages are "separate", simple, easy and natural, without tolerance or change.

find the comfort zone, intimate, sparse and virtuous, so that it is the right relationship between husband and wife, instead of singing "monologue" alone.

in the hit drama "Little willing", the intellectual Nan Jianlong met Cai Juying, a female nurse because of a serious illness.

unlike his wife's romantic and wayward self, Cai JuyingHe is a rough man, but gentle and considerate, very good at taking care of people.

in this way, Nan Jianlong had an affair. Cai Juying, who was uneducated and untemperamental, came into his life.

perhaps because of the great disparity in their identities, although they are "mistresses", but after being "righted", Cai Juying still lives cautiously:

she is obedient, humble, and pours water for Nanjian Longduan tea, taking care of his diet and daily life wholeheartedly.

as long as Nanjian Dragon needs it, she will painstakingly prepare a large table of dishes and spend hours making soup.

in front of stepdaughter Nan Li, she always looks ingratiating, graciously handing her slippers to her feet.

when her husband's ex-wife Zhao Na is injured, she will put aside the estrangement in her heart and take care of it before and after.

even the daily vegetable purchase money, she will write down one by one in the account, let Nan Jianlong have a look.

she maintains her marriage by being humble.

there is no bottom line to compromise and please, so that her daughter Tian Yulan can't help but "fight injustice" for her:

"you are the wife he is marrying by the matchmaker!"

"could you be tough, please?"

"if you serve them to eat and drink, you will not say anything good!"

but she was happy to say, "I'm not looking for his money, I'm looking for him," and "your uncle Nan knows it."

in more than ten years of marriage, she does not have the dignity of a hostess, but more plays the role of a babysitter, obedient, low and small.

on the surface, Nan Jianlong did not regard her as his wife from beginning to end, but in fact, it was Cai Juying who labeled herself "humble" and "obedient."

Marriage needs tolerance, but its cornerstone must be equality, not flattery without a bottom line.

if you are always thinking about how to make the other person like yourself and how not to be abandoned by marriage, it shows that the relationship is already unequal.

blindly giving and showing good will only lead to arrogance and arrogance; compromises and concessions without principles will only make the other party more and more take it as usual and ask for more and more.

once this inequality turns into an attachment, marriage is not far from being destroyed.

Bo Yang once said: "for the continuation of love and a happy marriage, the wife must please the husband, and the husband must please the wife."

in marriage, giving and concessions are mutual. They are most afraid of being overbearing and demanding desperately, while others are groveling and trying to please.

between husband and wife, there is no compromise, no one is high and no one is low, only love.

put yourself down, not only can not get love, but also will be riddled with holes.

keep the bottom line, the marriage will be happy for a long time.

as the writer Li Bihua said:

"if he loves you, don't please him. If I don't love you, I don't have to. "

true love can only be exchanged for equality in the hearts of each other.

half of our life has passed. May we all be affectionate in our marriage. Tian Chang Di Jiu (Eternal Dumpling), some people understand what we pay, and some people ache when we work hard.