above the point

"everyone is lonely. In our life, encounter love, encounter sex, are not rare, what is rare is to meet understanding. "

this sentence by writer Liao Yimei is often regarded as the "love Bible".

A person who knows you is hard to find, and understanding is a luxury in life.

in fact, the truth of life is more like the poem of the modern poet Baek Hak Rim:

"since childhood, I have been alone, taking care of the stars of all ages.

"

No one in the world will understand you 100%, even if that person is your companion every day.

because loneliness is man's destiny.

No one can empathize with others

Bai Yansong said:

"there will always be times in one's life when your heart has been turned upside down, but in the eyes of others, you are just a little more silent than usual, no one will find it strange.

A person's life is doomed to go it alone. "

where is there real empathy in the world?

your pain is destined to be separated from others by a mountain.

author Gan Bei once wrote a story.

A woman underwent B-ultrasound after pregnancy. She is a girl.

at that time, the second child was not yet open, so all the mother-in-law went out and asked her to get rid of the girl.

she asked her husband for help, but the husband said:

"Why do you have to fight against your family? Let you fight. Now everyone can't even eat because of you. "

she can't help it. she knows she's just an outsider and no one will speak for her from her point of view.

later, my sister-in-law was pregnant with a girl and was asked to get rid of her.

my sister-in-law went home crying and complained, and everyone in the family was filled with righteous indignation:

"how can you be so cruel? this is a life!"

"you can't get rid of it, the body will leave the root of the disease."

"how can there be such a cruel person? I don't even want my own flesh and blood. "

she stood by and listened, only sarcastically.

if you don't hurt yourself, you never know how painful it is.

in fact, we can't help hearing this voice in our lives:

"isn't that what everyone does? Don't exaggerate! "

"which woman does not have children, others are not very good, how can you be hypocritical?"

"No matter how hard you are, I work much harder than you every day!"

Van Gogh said: "everyone has a fire, but passers-by only see smoke."

even those who share the same bed every day cannot fully feel your suffering and pain. Every difficulty in this world is destined to endure on its own.

it may be human nature to be indifferent to the sufferings of others, not to empathize, but to put oneself in one's shoes.

Don't ask the other person to fully understand you

A cognitive scientist of human behavior once recorded an experimental case in his book Mental Wisdom.

he recruited several groups of partners who had been together for more than six years and asked them to guess their partner's final choice of the subject.

the accuracy of the experimental estimate is 82%, but the actual accuracy is 44%.

in fact, the amount of time you spend together won't make you make a qualitative leap in getting to know your partner, but it will greatly increase your confidence in it.

that is to say, people don't know their partner as well as they think.

I remember that in Jin Zhiying born in 1982, Jin Zhiying dropped out of work all the year round and worked hard for family chores every day, but at the same time, she was casually evaluated by outsiders because she lost her financial ability.

although her husband understands her hard work, he will take the initiative to take care of the children and do housework after work to ease her fatigue.

when she wants to return to work, she will respect her choice, but still can not fully understand her inner suffering and anxiety.

A good lover may be willing to listen to your troubles and do more for you, but you should also know clearly:

you are the only one who can fully understand how you feel.

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people are born lonely, no matter how close the relationship is, the emotions cannot be completely equal:

you have a lot on your mind, but he doesn't know it;

you speak violently about your feelings, and to others, it is just like a feather across the surface of the skin, light and without a trace in the twinkling of an eye.

Don't expect too much from others, and don't be too demanding that close people fully synchronize your feelings.

as the writer Xin Yiwu said:

"our hearts and our flesh grow on each one's own body, ups and downs, and only we can understand the taste we taste."

Don't pin your hopes on others, don't ask others to understand how you feel, it's futile to shout loudly

husband. "

your suffering can only be overcome by yourself.

No matter how intimate a relationship is, don't take it for granted

Russell once said:

touches their self, not from your point of view, from the perspective of touching your self.

should not expect anyA man changes another person's life for the sake of his life. "

John Gottman, known as the Pope of Marriage, spent 40 years tracking 3000 intimate couples and finally came up with a secret to make a marriage happy for a long time-

always be curious about each other and never stop talking.

he has arranged for couples who have been together for many years to re-date, and in order to give their partners the best feeling during the date, he has polished everything from preparation to dating.

in fact, dating is not just for couples, it should be something that couples of all ages need to stick to.

"Don't think you slept in the same bed last night, you know him well enough."

when you ignore each other's emotional demands and block each other's communication signals because you are "familiar", you close the door to running a marriage.

I think the best attitude towards a relationship is to neither regard each other as all you have, nor take it for granted to speculate on each other with your own thoughts.

A sentence in "the signal of Heart" makes my uncle feel the same way:

"Marriage is not the end of love. It's hard to say whether you can get on the bus together and sit to the finish line together.

people who are spoiled should not always feel fearless and keep being in love

some care, a little bit of care, let the long-term confession a little longer, a little longer. "

only when you continue to have a sense of awe and curiosity and manage carefully, can you keep this relationship fresh all the time.

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Liu Zhenyun said in "10,000 sentences at a time": "the days are after, not before."

A high-quality intimate relationship is not an one-person chase game, but two people going to each other at the same time.

length of time is not an excuse for neglect, nor is poor speech an excuse for refusing to communicate.

it is easier to meet than to defend each other. In the final analysis, those feelings that have been around for a long time are all due to the use of the heart.

when you lower your expectations of others and know how to communicate and express your love in time, you can believe and feel--

the beauty of marriage is far greater than suffering.

May you have experienced the baptism of firewood, rice and salt for the rest of your life, and may you still be in awe and passion of love, holding hands with each other for the rest of your life.