Shuimuran Learning Society

Why are many people fine when they fall in love, but go wrong once they get married?

because the essence of love is a kind of "emotion" exchange, while the essence of marriage is a kind of "value" exchange.

"value" is a dimension higher than "emotion". When you fall in love, you just need to feel good and make each other happy.

but once married, the long-term decision of marriage is whether two people can continue to provide "value" to each other.

therefore, when in love, appearance, figure, charm, wit, and even chess, calligraphy and painting are the key to attracting each other, but in marriage, all of these will fail and become boring, because there is only value exchange in marriage.

an anonymous respondent on Zhihu shared several examples.

first example:

A girl has been learning the piano since she was a child and goes to practice for an hour after work every day. At the beginning of her relationship, her boyfriend appreciates this skill very much.

after her relationship is stable, she still keeps the habit of going to the piano shop to practice for an hour after work, so she never cooks dinner. When she gets home, she eats directly, which is made by her boyfriend, of course.

then comes the contradiction: she used to practice the piano on her own time, but now her partner has to pay for it, too.

at this time, it is more important for him to have a hot meal at home.

this is the transfer of "core interests".

that is to say, at this time, his girlfriend can play the piano, which is of little value to him.

another example:

A girl spends 20 minutes curling her hair every morning. At the beginning of a relationship, her boyfriend likes her curly hair very much because it is pleasing to the eye.

but after a long time, because she has to curl her hair every morning, her boyfriend complains that she is too troublesome and procrastinating.

in essence, this is because she violated her boyfriend's interest in sleeping longer, or the value of his time.

I often say: all relationships are of interest, and the same is true in marriage and family, but with an extra layer of love and affection as a cover.

indeed, in affection and love, loving a person will sacrifice for her unconditionally and be loyal to him unconditionally.

as long as there is injustice in this world, it will be compensated in another place or in another form.

for example, when many boys chase girls, it is not enough to use all their skills, and they will overdraw their strength to do some boring things.

indeed, girls are easily moved. Many girls just see that the men around them can be nice to themselves at any cost, and then choose the one who is the best to them.

because boys who make sacrifices will continue to pay for girls at first, but at a certain stage, they will ask for compensation in disguise, and there are a lot of demands on girls.

Girls are often hijacked by the so-called sacrifices of boys, and even some extreme boys will be motionless and forced to death.

the more developed the social economy, the more independent people will become. This is no longer the era in which who can die for whom, or who needs to die for himself.

those lovers who say they love you at the beginning, and their families who say they are good for you, will often ask you to do this or that at a certain stage, or can't do this or that. This is compensation in disguise.

We must see through a trend: the more developed the society is, the stronger the independence between people will be. In the future, everyone will be an independent individual, and everyone's value will be at a glance.

in the future, all values can be quantified and everything can be traded, including people's time and emotions.

therefore, how much value you want to get in return, you have to have equivalent value to pay.

in fact, whether it is love, marriage, starting a business, or socializing, if you can see the problem from a value point of view, everything will be easily solved.

because value is the highest dimensional thing in the world. If you look at things from a value point of view, there is nothing in the world that cannot be seen through.

for example: each of us has received gifts from others more or less, but have you found a "law of receiving gifts"?

what other people give you are things you can afford, and those things you can't afford have never been given to you.

Why is this?

in fact, when people give you gifts, they will first measure your value, and they will only give you things that are within your value.

can also be understood in this way: when others give for you, they will not give more than you are worth.

therefore, if you want someone to give you something, you must first be able to afford it.

so let's keep this truth in mind: no one will pay for anything other than your value.

in this world, no one has an obligation to be loyal to another.

personAll loyalty is evolving into loyalty to value.

in the future, don't expect someone to be loyal and give to you unconditionally, unless you always have the value they want.

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once your value disappears, not only the times will abandon you, but also the people around you will abandon you, such as cooperation, love and marriage.

in the future, whether two people can finally be together or not depends on whether they can provide value to each other.

how long two people can be together depends on how long this value can be provided to each other, and when one party breaks off, the other will leave.

this is the law of value.

it is not that we are becoming more and more realistic, but that we live in an era in which everything is efficiency-oriented.

all the time in this society, people are required to be value-oriented, and to put efficiency and benefit first, you can survive better.

some people complain that nowadays society is becoming less and less human, and people are too realistic. In fact, it is because everything has been valued, quantified and standardized.

money is the concrete quantification of value. Once value is quantified, many problems are simplified.

all traditional relationships have been torn to pieces, and new ethical, interpersonal and business relationships are being torn down and rebuilt.

some people say: family marriage is to find a balance between your interests and each other's interests.

otherwise, no matter how good it looks, it will be hard to get to the end.

it sounds cruel, but it is the truth of the world.

I often say that 99% of people live under the illusion that they would rather deceive themselves and others than face the truth of the world.

because the truth is so cruel that one does not have enough courage and wisdom to accept it at all.

but I still want to tell you the truth:

the world is becoming more and more mechanized. In this cold and noisy machine sound, what you can really rely on is always yourself. Your happiness has nothing to do with anyone, including your so-called partner.

finally, three sentences are summarized:

it is a virtue to be alone before you have no value.

True love is not helping each other, but accomplishing each other.

it is the most important thing for us to make ourselves full of value forever.