there is a question on Zhihu: why do people have more, but less happiness?

A high-praise answer is right: probably because the more people have, the more they want, the higher you set the threshold for happiness, and even the biggest surprises will be turned away.

if you think about it, it is true.

in this life, people want to pursue perfection in everything. When you get good tea, you want to make a pot, and when you get flowers, you want to make a bottle.

but often ignore the fragrance of tea because they don't get the teapot;

because I didn't get the vase, I missed the most beautiful bloom of flowers.

too much pursuit of perfection, but into the trap of happiness.

if you are not happy, try to lower the threshold of happiness from a different angle.

lower expectations of others

there is a sentence in "the incredible of Life":

"if you want to maintain an emotion, the less you expect, the better. If you don't have any expectations, you can love unconditionally, but I must admit that when I was young, my expectations of human nature were too high."

with the increase of age, more and more people find that:

not all relationships last; not all efforts are rewarded.

some expectations can bring new hope, but some expectations will bring a steady stream of disappointment.

only by lowering your expectations of others and giving up those unrealistic fantasies can you live a good life.

like Xiao Jingrui in Nirvana in Fire, because of the continuation of the feud of the previous generation, he had to accept the change of his own life experience and suffered too much overnight.

and the driving force behind these changes is Mei Changsu, who is very trusted and like a brother.

everyone thinks that Xiao Jingrui should resent Mei Changsu, ruining his original happy life and wasting his trust.

but he said:

"everyone always has a choice. You take what you think is important and abandon me. It's just your choice."

if I feel resentful because I have not been chosen, isn't there too much unforgivable in this world? after all, no one has the responsibility to put me first.

every time I read this passage, I feel that this is the most open-minded attitude in life.

Don't overestimate your relationship with anyone, don't expect too much from others, and there won't be too much sadness when the relationship comes to an end.

reduce your attention to trifles

someone on the Internet summed up three secrets of staying happy:

it doesn't matter, it's unnecessary, it's unnecessary.

the road of life will inevitably encounter ups and downs, unfortunately fell, tell yourself: it doesn't matter, don't worry about it.

there are always bad people and things along the way. I don't know what to do. Tell myself: it's not necessary, don't pester it endlessly.

Life is full of worries and trivialities, and it is difficult to control your emotions. Tell yourself: no, it will pass.

have you ever experienced such a moment:

when I was 20 years old, I argued with my parents for a choice in my studies. Looking back many years later, it was not worth worrying so much about hurting the peace.

when I was 30 years old, I quarreled with my partner over the amount of firewood, rice, oil and salt. In retrospect for many years, the most hurtful words pushed the loved ones further and further away.

when I was 40 years old, I quarreled with my children for trifles. When I looked back a long time later, the rare time together hurt my feelings.

the reason why people live too tired is that they care too much.

when you catch what you think is important, you will naturally lose another part of the person or thing.

as the old saying goes, there is nothing in the world to worry about.

the days pass quickly, stop haggling, don't be too obsessive, be tolerant of everything, and you are also forgiving yourself.

Let go of the comparison of life

what should a truly happy life be like?

writer Li Xiaoyi once lamented that before the age of 40, she interpreted happiness as "having": money, car, house, and career.

so after that, she searched desperately for all kinds of job opportunities.

until the age of 40, when she fell ill from overwork, she suddenly realized that happiness was "nothing": carefree, carefree, disease-free and disaster-free.

at that time, she realized that all the "have" in life is for others, and only "nothing" is really for herself.

how many people hope to live a better life than those around them, show their lives to others, and lose themselves over time.

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when I was in college, a roommate saw a classmate wearing a famous brand, so he called home every three to five to buy expensive clothes and shoes.

when the child was in primary school, she saw that the children of her relatives were versatile, so she signed up for a number of interest training courses for her children and never let him rest on weekends.

she doesn't understand why her life is getting worse and worse when she works so hard.

Real happiness should be as simple as that mentioned in the Journey of the Flying House:

"Happiness is the fulfillment of every tiny wish for life, something to eat when you want to eat, and someone to love you when you want to be loved."

Don't let people work too hard.

Sanmao wrote in the blooming Flowers in the Desert: "I believe that God does not give it to me, no matter how tightly clasped my fingers, it will still miss, I believe that God gave me, no matter how I miss, I will have it."

after half a lifetime, I gradually understood the saying: sometimes you have to have it in your life, but don't force it all the time.

sometimes, the harder you try, the more you can't hold it. If you force it too much, you will lose it in the end.

I wonder if you've ever heard of the 20-mile rule: the distance from San Diego to Maine is about 3000 miles.

how many miles a day is the most appropriate way to walk this distance?

the answer is 20 miles, and it takes five months to complete the journey, and it turns out that a large number of people are unable to complete the journey within the specified time limit.

psychologists have found that these people try their best to walk 40 miles a day at the beginning of the journey, and by the time they are halfway through the journey, their physical strength and enthusiasm are almost exhausted.

those who finish walking at the specified time keep walking 20 miles a day from the beginning to the end, reaching the finish line on schedule.

therefore, people who work too hard at first tend not to run far.

if you love too much, things will be reversed at the extreme; if you want too much, you will lose more; leave room for perfection.

after all, happiness does not depend on grasping too tightly, but on self-improvement.

▽

I like a paragraph that Mr. Yang Jiang said very much:

"God will not let all happiness focus on one person."

getting love may not necessarily have money, having money may not necessarily get happiness; getting happiness may not necessarily have health; having health may not necessarily get what you want.

maintaining the state of mind of contentment is the best way to harden the mind and purify the mind. "

really smart people never compete with themselves, don't compare with others, and don't take life seriously.

do not envy other people's lives, enjoy what you have, is the small luck of life.

contentment is not a lack of progress, but a bullish view of everything.

ignorance is not ignorance, but a simple life.

the highest state of life is precisely these twelve words: rarely confused, half awake and half drunk, contented.

, may you make peace with life after everything has happened in the world, be grateful for yesterday, seize today, and look forward to tomorrow.