xinli01

all feelings are born by karma, but have different endings.

some people stay together all their lives, while others break up on foot.

it's too good at first, but it's even harder to bear when you're apart.

I would like to say that whether a couple or a lover, if you do not want to lose each other, do not want him to leave you, do not use the following four ways to contact him.

complaining all day long, ending positive energy

if you search for topics such as "breakup" and "divorce" on Zhihu, you will find that there are too many broken relationships because they are unable to properly deal with their problems and vent their negative emotions in front of each other.

for example, the husband is under a lot of pressure when he works outside, and he suffers a lot of anger. when he comes home, he takes it all out on his wife.

my wife's family was also very tired and felt very aggrieved, and the two had a big quarrel.

do not realize that emotions between people are contagious.

the happiness of a family is ruined from the moment it enters the door with negative emotions.

American psychology professor David R. Hawkins, through more than 20 years of clinical trials, put forward the concept of "energy hierarchy":

the more comfortable you are with people with higher energy levels; on the contrary, people with lower energy levels are more likely to infect others with negative emotions.

I have to say that bad mood is as contagious as sneezing, and every complaint spoken may have a "butterfly effect".

there are many people who regard each other as an "emotional trash can".

as long as they are in a bad mood, regardless of time and occasion, regardless of each other's feelings, they begin to complain endlessly, pour bitterness desperately, and force negative energy on each other like a bombardment of information.

if you get along for a long time, it will swallow up the positive energy of the people around you and make people full of hostility.

Life is really hard. Everyone wants to be a sunflower, and no one likes to listen to things full of negative energy.

it's normal to complain occasionally, but you can't complain all day long, only complaining without facing reality, it's passing the buck, it's immature, and it will make the other person worry and stay away.

No matter husband and wife or lovers, they should try their best to make each other happy, work together, and face the ups and downs optimistically.

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too clingy and fond of checking posts

"finally broke up with Xiaolan."

after saying this, Ah Qiang breathed a sigh of relief.

A Qiang and Xiaolan fell in love at first sight. They are like conjoined twins sticking together every day, with endless words and endless sweetness.

later, Ah Qiang's work became too busy to accompany Xiaolan for a long time.

it so happens that Xiaolan is a clingy person. When Ah Qiang is not around, she begins to kill the serial call. Whether he is in a meeting, on a business trip or socializing, she asks regardless of time and occasion:

"where are you? With who? When are you going home? "

he even installed GPS in his mobile phone, and wanted to follow him all the more.

A Qiang can't concentrate on his work, can't communicate with colleagues of the opposite sex, and can't talk about cooperation with clients at ease.

sure enough, the love is too clingy and suffocating.

some people regard their feelings as their whole life, suffering each other and losing themselves.

habitually verifying whether your partner cares about you and relying on the other person's praise for recognition is a sign of a lack of confidence in your relationship.

A good relationship is that both parties can keep their spiritual distance, stick to themselves and love each other.

as Zhou Guoping once said, "the best gift that lovers give each other is freedom."

A blank relationship is more relaxing and enjoyable:

you have your English afternoon tea, he has his gym; you have your best friend, he has his liver and gall brothers;

you have your lipstick size, he has his limited edition sneakers; you have the dream you pursue, he has his career plan.

so if you love someone again, don't be so greasy and clingy. If you are more independent and mature, your relationship will last longer.

all you know is to take, but not to be grateful

feelings often occur such a phenomenon, that is, the habit of taking each other's efforts for granted, while enjoying while being picky, constantly consuming affection.

this is very bad.

psychologist Willard Harley pointed out that there is an "emotional account" between people, in which communication is like deposits and withdrawals.

every time you make the other person happy, you save a little more, and every time you make the other person sad, you save less.

you must not just know how to withdraw from it and think that money will never be wasted.

behaviors such as accusation, indifference and disparagement in life are withdrawals and will continue to consume each other.

when the balance is insufficient, your relationship comes to an end.

and savings are often not spent suddenly, it is that you save too little, consume too much, over time, and finally run out of money.

I would like to say that in many cases, when they are used to each other's tolerance and accommodation, they have no scruples to release their bad temper.

when accustomed to the other party's silent pay, they are accustomed to forget to respond.

in real life, such examples abound:

you can't help but reply to my Wechat;

you should make me happy when you have a quarrel;

tolerating my capriciousness is really good to me;

you must cook for me when you get off work.

it is often the greed that kills feelings that only know how to take, but not how to be grateful.

you should know that tolerance is not connivance, and the indulgence of lovers is not their own presumptuous capital. Don't wait until it's too late to regret it.

too strong, control wants to explode

Hellinger, a master psychologist, said, "Happy families have one thing in common: there is no one in the family who is very controlling."

because no one likes aggressive love.

there is a line in "Hedong Lion Roar", which was liked by many little girls at that time:

"from now on, you can only be kind to me, spoil me, and don't lie to me;

you must do everything you promise me, and be sincere in every word you say to me.

Don't lie to me or scold me, but care about me. When others bully me, you should come out and help me at the first time.

when I am happy, you should accompany me to be happy; when I am unhappy, you should coax me to be happy;

always think that I am the most beautiful; you want to see me in your dreams; I am the only one in your heart. "

I would like to ask, does such a person really exist in real life? isn't he a slave to love?

from a psychological point of view, too much control is often a lack of self-confidence, without sense of security, and when they are unable to meet their psychological needs, they will take it from others.

A person with a strong desire for control often has these five characteristics:

disrespect each other and force them to act according to their own wishes;

often negate each other, lose their temper and regard each other as a punching bag;

inculcate ideas and equate one's own values with each other;

interfere in each other's private life and often make plans and arrangements for each other;

be emotionally unstable and repeatedly confirm your place in the other person's heart.

you know, if the rope is too tight, it is easy to break; if you manage the relationship too much, you will get tired sooner or later.

if you don't want to lose him in a relationship, don't be too strong.

it is unrealistic to take you as the center all the time, you say that he cannot say two, and your demands must be obeyed.

learn to show weakness appropriately and let the other person know how to grow and commit, so as to make the relationship more leisurely.

▽

there is a basic law in relationships:

people who can maintain self-balance are more likely to have happiness; people who need others to achieve balance are more likely to enter painful relationships.

in fact, what really determines the quality of a relationship is not your partner, but your attitude towards your relationship and yourself.

there is no absolute match between people, only whether they are suitable or not, and whether they are willing to run in with each other.

so, if you love, please don't let a person teach you to cherish by leaving.

May your feelings be like to the Oak Tree: "We share cold waves, thunder and thunder; we share mist, haze and rainbows." It seems to be separated forever, but depend on each other for life. "